Sandy's Trauma and Beginning of Grief
Every One of us go Through Grief
OK, so I was on this journey – you can imagine. I loved the journey. And then, the next thing that happened was that tragedy in my life whereby my 3 daughters and their friend were murdered. I want to tell you about my journey of grief during this time. There may be some things there that can help. There are certainly some positive aspects that come out of it, so I’ll tell you about my journey of grief … and you know what? Every one of us here are going to have to go through grief.
Learning Through Adversity
Maybe many of us have already been through grief, and there’s going to be more. We’re all going to go through some adversity at some time. The key thing out of adversity and out of trauma is learning. What is there that you can learn from this event, because you know, those learning experiences are experiences for our soul and it’s the soul that needs the experience.
I’m so Glad I Spoke to my Girls That Night
So, Jenny and Kirsty, they were twins at 19 and Lexie, she was 16 – the next day. And the date was 23rd January 1987. They were living with their mum in the northern Sydney suburb of Pymble and a friend of theirs, Lisa was there as well, so there were 4 of them in the house. I was living about 5 kilometres away in Lindfield, married to Sandra and at that time we had a little 5 year old girl, Lara and a little 3 year old boy, Ian. At about 7 o’clock that Friday night I rang and spoke to Lexie and also spoke to Jenny and Kirsty and I tell you, the mirth and joy in that household was fantastic. They were all preparing to go camping for the Australia Day long weekend. And we taught them about camping, so I was really pleased about that. They were going to be joined by a group of friends to go camping. In retrospect I am so glad I was able to speak to the girls at that time, because at 10 past 9 that night Richard Madrell arrived at the door and professed his love for Jenny who of course had not had anything to do with him for 12 months and all of them wanted to keep him away with their mother even trying unsuccessful to take out an AVO on him. But he arrived at the door and shot her. He then shot Kirsty, then Lisa and then shot Lexie. All over in ten minutes.
My First Reaction
The police hammered on my door at about 2 o’clock in the morning and told me what had happened. My first reaction was that this was impossible … I mean I had only spoken to them several hours earlier. For me it was complete disbelief and I questioned about being shot with a shotgun as I knew something about guns from the army. I questioned the fact that it must have been impossible because with a shotgun you have to load it, fire and then re-load it, re-load it again …. Surely one or two of them are going to be able to get away. Surely not all 4 of them, not all 3 of my girls.
I Still Couldn’t Believe it.
On the way to their home in the police car I was still arguing with the police and I was asking if they had seen their bodies. “Oh, so you haven’t seen their bodies … you haven’t actually been there …. You’ve only been told about this over the radio … so you don’t really know this for sure.” Always thinking and hoping that it’s not true.
My Denial Phase
And then a little bit of doubt would come in and it would be like this: “God, how could you let this happen. No, no no, you haven’t let it happen. But …. If you have … what have the girls done? What have they done to deserve this for goodness sake? There is no God.” And so that’s where my denial phase started.
By Sandy MacGregor – http://www.selfimprovementdeals.com
See it on Video – 09 of 16 Sandy's Trauma and Beginning of Grief
Next Video – 10 Hatred Anger and Revenge Can Become Habits During Grief
Science of Tears and Emotion
The Start of Brain Research
So Lydia Cassone said that they all went back to their respective scientists and asked what on earth this had to do with memory. And do you know that since about the late 1960s and early 1970s we have learned more about the mind, more about the subconscious mind, more about the body, more about the mind/body connection than in any previous 2000 years in our history. Look at just what we’ve learned.
Genome and Proteins
Look at the genome stuff that we’ve learned. Do you know that proteins are being investigated. They say that there are 6 million proteins in the body and when we know all the proteins in the body, we will be able to cure anything in humans. It’s frightening isn’t it, but that’s where it’s going. We’ve learned a lot in the last 40 or so years.
Tears – a Different Chemical Composition
One of the things that we’ve learned, I use in seminars and I think it’s really interesting. You know tears that we have. We can have tears of sadness and we can also have tears of happiness. Well do you know that they have a different chemical composition? So in other words we’re doing something different to our body when we have tears of sadness and tears of joy. Now that coupled with another research scientist, Rappaport, is fantastic information.
Emotion is Memory for the Subconscious Mind
You see, Rappaport showed emotion is memory for the subconscious mind. Emotion is memory and this was proved in 1971. What was actually proved was that emotion is not only involved with memory, it is the very basis on which memory takes place.
A Quick Demonstration
Now, when you think about that, a quick demonstration is that you could go back in your mind right now to something that you didn’t like – something that was an adversity, a trauma ….. OK, no need to go any further as you’ve probably got it already. Don’t think about it any more. But you go there easily, you know what the occasion was, you know what hurt – all that sort of thing.
Another Demonstration
And I could also ask you to go back to a really fantastic event in your life. You might for example go back to when you were riding your two-wheeler bike for the first time, or maybe your first kiss, or maybe a fantastic result at sport or in school, or something like that. We have so many good, joyous occasions in our mind and they will come up.
How Did You Remember
Now, how did you remember them? That’s the key – how did you remember them? To remember either the negative event or the joyous event, did you have to tell other people about it? Did you have to write about it again and again? Did you have to make a mind map about it? Did you have to do all those sorts of things to remember it? No, it just stuck fast didn’t it. It’s right there. So, in other words, the emotion of the event made it stay in your memory.
Remembering With Only Positive Emotion
So now, if we can remember with both negative emotion and positive emotion, do we use negative emotion to enhance imprinting on our memory? The answer is no, because of the tear stuff. Tears of sadness, tears of joy – different chemical constitution. We know we’re doing something different to our body with negative stuff and the negative stuff doesn’t make us feel good. So therefore we only use positive, joyous memory connections to enhance memory within the subconscious mind. So that’s something that came out of this science a long time ago.
By Sandy MacGregor – http://www.selfimprovementdeals.com
See it on Video – 08 of 16 Science of Tears and Emotion
Next Video – 09 Sandy's Trauma and Beginning of Grief
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DJ $crilla and Lauren Lanzaretta, the Ohio duo who collaborated on Color of Love, have partnered with Berea Children’s Home and Family Services in Cleveland to give away their album in exchange for charitable donations.
Upon its release, the seven-song EP will be available online, where music lovers can download and donate any amount they choose to BCHFS. Just like $crilla and Lanzaretta, BCHFS calls Cleveland home. BCHFS aims to empower children and families to reach their potential by supplying them with the tools and positive affirmations they need to become contributing members of a strong community.
To view Multimedia News Release, go to http://www.multivu.com/players/English/53517-dj-scrilla-lauren-lanzaretta-color-of-love/
The 2012 Campari Calendar, entitled It’s the end of the world, baby!, was unveiled in Milan today.
Now in its 13th edition, this year\'s iconic Campari Calendar is inspired by the many prophesies that in 2012 the world will see a global transformation leading to the end of the world as we currently know it. With nothing but a blur of unknown possibilities, Campari takes a positive look at intriguing theories, and presents their vision in a series of powerful, awe inspiring photos starring Hollywood actress and supermodel, Milla Jovovich.
To ivew Multimedia News Release, go to http://multivu.prnewswire.com/mnr/prne/campari/52149/
The 2012 Campari Calendar, entitled It’s the end of the world, baby!, was unveiled in Milan today.
Now in its 13th edition, this year\'s iconic Campari Calendar is inspired by the many prophesies that in 2012 the world will see a global transformation leading to the end of the world as we currently know it. With nothing but a blur of unknown possibilities, Campari takes a positive look at intriguing theories, and presents their vision in a series of powerful, awe inspiring photos starring Hollywood actress and supermodel, Milla Jovovich.
To ivew Multimedia News Release, go to http://multivu.prnewswire.com/mnr/prne/campari/52149/
Carol Baldwin-Moody of Wilmington Trust describes the challenges that are present in her line of work as senior vice president and chief risk officer. There is a strong legal backing to every major issue in today’s society. Baldwin-Moody has come across several scenarios that aren’t covered by the dated constitutional law in effect today. In past years, a risk officer was thought to be a management concept that would be useful, but not worth the investment. Lately, a risk officer career has become an indispensible resource in the corporate world.
The law plays an important role in every aspect of our lives. Even something that seems simple, like the ability to send a text message and donate money to a charitable organization, requires contract law to come into play. If a career as a compliance officer is of interest to you, an online legal studies degree from Kaplan University could be the first step in working toward that goal.* A legal studies degree allows students the unique opportunity to grow into a field that is constantly changing and evolving.
*Kaplan University's programs are designed to prepare graduates to pursue employment in their field of study, or in related fields. However, the University does not guarantee that graduates will be placed in any particular job, eligible for job advancement opportunities, or employed at all. Additional training or certification may be required.
“Social media, the first amendment, privacy; the law is so far behind in that trend. Blogs and all of that, that is a constant challenge for me today because everybody wants to talk the way they want to talk and in my job, I’m required to actually surveil peoples’ e-mails; I’m required by law. I look for certain words; well, that was ok when people used words. Now when they use ‘r u,’ I can’t surveil that. The privacy issue with kids and MySpace, that whole area of law, think about it; constitutional law was what we learned. There’s nothing in constitutional law that we learned 30 years ago, so if you’re into that, there’s going to be a lot of time. We need that because it’s evolutionary.
Globalization—if you think about what happened in the financial markets, the meltdown, it’s because there’s so much connection and therefore there are a lot of things going on in that arena where every country’s financial rules, they’re looking at them and comparing them. That’s another area- comparative law. Comparative law when it comes to the environment and financial services; those are two big things.
Health—the whole health debate; you may be thinking just about the politics but there’s a lot of law behind that. HIPA, all those rights, and think about the things they’re talking about from a political perspective—there’s a lot of law behind that.
Those are just three areas that are not only specific in terms of thinking outside of the box, but they actually go back to a lot of the fundamentals that are part of the law. Those are just three; that social media one, I don’t even want to tackle that one; I’m assigning that to my kids. Just think about it—it’s out there before anything has been screened. You think about the things that go on—it’s called the social media. There used to be the 6 o’clock news; there’s the 24 hour news, there’s the instant news now.
I think some of it’s great, I think some of the positive things about the technology, I just learned this, the fact that you could text five digits on your phone and the money was in Haiti instantly. But, a lot of people don’t realize how much legal work was behind the contractual agreement between the phone companies. There was a lot of legal work that was done in order for that to happen but yet young people, my daughter was one of them, it’s like, ‘ok mom,’ and then I start thinking; well I know what really happened. They had to get into a contract about that, but those are the kinds of things that at the end you see the result is phenomenal. Think about that 20 years ago—could not have happened.”
Lisa Nichols, contributing author of The Secret and one of the great inspirational speakers of our time, believes the best way to stay motivated when continuing your education is to “begin with the end in mind.” Pushing forward through challenges is what makes accomplishment so gratifying. Every accomplishment leads to personal growth. Nichols believes that making the completion of your degree “non-negotiable” means that you will not settle for anything less.
Kaplan University’s online degree programs cater to the busy lifestyle of today’s working professional. The distance learning programs available at Kaplan University could help you further your career, potentially lead to advancement opportunities, and assist in creating a different lifestyle for you and your family.* Nichols relates her own life experiences as a single mother working full time in this inspirational video that address the challenges Kaplan University students may be facing. She encourages students to recognize how important pursuing a degree can be to their professional success. Perhaps one of the most powerful messages Nichols relays is to focus on the positive outcome continuing education can bring. She urges students to “stay motivated by not checking into how difficult it might be” but to “check in with how sweet it gets to be.”
*Kaplan University's programs are designed to prepare graduates to pursue employment in their field of study, or in related fields. However, the University does not guarantee that graduates will be placed in any particular job, eligible for job advancement opportunities, or employed at all. Additional training or certification may be required.
“I would say to a Kaplan [University] student, ‘You’ve really made a decision to take your life by the reigns, to give yourself a second, third, fourth, fifth chance. That this season is your season and that you’ve served everyone else and this gift is a gift for you.’ When you serve yourself you allow yourself to then begin to serve everyone else from your overflow. But one of the things I would mainly say is that when you’ve been good to you, this is a gift, when you’ve been good to you then you’ll serve with more gratitude to everyone else so hold on to this. Hold on to this moment; carve out time. There’s never enough time. There are a hundred people that are going to pull at you- carve out this space for you. Say, ‘You know what? I’ve nurtured everyone, I’ve served everyone, this is my moment. This is my time to shine. This journey with Kaplan [University] is super important to me and it’s non-negotiable.’
When you say ‘no matter what,’ graduating should be ‘no matter what.’ ‘No matter what’ means I’ve removed every other option off the table. Graduating and taking advantage of this opportunity is something that nothing else can happen but this; this is non-negotiable. When you move everything else off the table other than making it, the only thing left is making it and so I would say to the Kaplan [University] student, ‘you’ve already jumped in, now say ‘no matter what’.’
I think one of the ways to stay motivated is to begin with the end in mind. See yourself on graduation day, see yourself with a certificate saying, ‘I completed. I did it. It’s done.’ See yourself in the lifestyle that this accomplishment will award you to have. When you being with the end in mind and you get so viscerally and emotionally connected to the outcome. Steven Covey, the author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, says, ‘Begin with the end in mind.’ See it, believe it, taste it, walk it, talk it, feel it and then go every day just getting to that feeling in reality. Have such a barometer to show you where you’re going and know what it looks like to be there and then become non-negotiable on it.
Stay motivated by not checking into how difficult it might be, check in with how sweet it gets to be. I believe that my life today is a result of hunkering down and seeing myself in a place where I wasn’t; seeing myself in a lifestyle th
Boston Scientific Corporation (NYSE: BSX) announces positive clinical data from the Research in Severe Asthma (RISA) Trial, demonstrating the long-term safety of bronchial thermoplasty (BT) in patients treated with the Company’s AlairTM Bronchial Thermoplasty System. Follow-up data demonstrate that stable lung function is maintained and late clinical complications are absent over a five-year period in patients with severe refractory asthma treated with BT. Results were presented today at the annual European Respiratory Society (ERS) Congress in Amsterdam by Michel Laviolette, M.D., Professor of Medicine, Institut universitaire de cardiologie et de pneumologie at Université Laval in Québec City, Canada.
To view Multimedia News Release, go to http://multivu.prnewswire.com/mnr/prne/bostonscientific/52128/
With the 10th anniversary of 9/11 approaching, a coalition of individuals, not-for-profit organizations and corporations, has joined together to create Action America: a not-for-profit, open-source brand designed to unite and activate Americans everywhere to turn the events of 9/11 into positive action. Led by Marquis Jet founder Kenny Dichter and AOL chairman and CEO Tim Armstrong, the coalition currently includes AOL, Boy Scouts of America, New York Says Thank You Foundation and The Council of Fashion Designers of America, among others. In addition, the Action America initiative is a principal partner in the federally recognized September 11 National Day of Service and Remembrance, led annually by the 9/11 nonprofit MyGoodDeed in partnership with many leading national nonprofit groups.
To view Multimedia News Release, go to http://www.multivu.com/mnr/51814-action-america
Your child’s life-after-divorce can be better than you ever hoped for. Discover how you can make positive co-parenting work for you and your child! With the strategies for success that Tammy Daughtry offers, you’ll be prepared to create an enjoyable childhood and healthy upbringing that will impact your child for a lifetime. Learn about the book here, http://bit.ly/lccZxT Learn about this author here, www.coparentinginternational.com Family, Christian Life
Boys & Girls Clubs of America (BGCA) announced today it is launching the second year of a partnership with Amway to build community gardens across the United States. With the addition of five new gardens planned for 2011 there will be a total of 12 gardens created and maintained to date as part of the ongoing three-year Amway Positive Sprouts® program.
To view Multimedia News Release, go to http://multivu.prnewswire.com/mnr/amway/47650/
